Have you ever jumped out of your car to run to the store and for some reason you can feel the cool wind just cut up under your moo-moo? Now we both know that you had real good intentions when you left the house this morning wit' cha stockings up to ya elbows but when you look down they's past ya' knees.
Ladies, don't be in dismay! You can order my brand new product called "Granny MeMoh's Stocking Stayup There Now" Kit. It come wit two Granny MeMoh Silver Dollars (GMSD), an instruction manual, and two emergency rubberbands. Made from the Noneya Rubber Tree (a rare rubber tree) found in the Noneya Mountains.
Here's how it works: Alls-ya do is have one GMSD coin for the left stocking and one GMSD coin for the right one. Now, take the left stocking and place the GMSD coin where the elastic should be lastin' and twist it up until you almost cut off your cir-q-lation, then tuck it real fast. Good Ladies, now do the same with the right stocking and GMSD coin. Yup, this will hold your stockings up and in place. I keeps me a Stocking Kit in my coin purse.
Important Tidbit: May cause drowsiness, light-headedness, or red marks and if it do. . . .You Dummy, they's too tight. You done twisted em' one too many times. And don't be fooled by imitations like those silver washers you get at the hardware store, they don't last as good!
Now gon' out there and do all the thangs you always wanted to do! Hurry up and buy while supplies last. Call 1-888-2STAYUP Operators are standing by.
No Personal Checks!!!
