TobiasFunke82's Blog

 

 

A darkly intriguing trailer, critical acclaim and David Cronenberg at the helm made Eastern Promises one of my top fall picks sight unseen. However, this movie could not be a bigger disappointment and is grossly overrated.

 

 

 

 

What exactly is making every critic on the circuit hail Eastern Promises as an exceptional cinema masterpiece? I feel like I have been About Schmidted once again, only this time bloody gore takes the place of a nude Kathy Bates, which is still graphic and scary, but nowhere as frightening as Bates’ full figure.

 

 

 

 

Cronenberg and Mortensen first teamed up in the surprising hit A History of Violence. Their first outing was obviously their best since that movie had every element of a truly great movie; sharp script, explosive violence, a turbulent relationship and an original concept.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, Eastern Promises is less History of Violence and more like a really bad episode of The Office. Much like The Office, Eastern Promises has a couple of captivating scenes, but enduring the entire length of the film is not worth the couple of payoffs the viewer receives.

 

 

 

 

The critiques I have read explain Eastern Promises as; “gripping acting,” “flawless scenery,” “a tight simplistic plot” and “a modern day Godfather.” Did we watch the same movie? The script is so lethargic and lackluster that it appears the screenwriter was constantly shrugging his shoulders as he wrote it as if to say, “well, its ok, but nothing outstanding.”

 

 

 

 

The groundbreaking twist that is being so highly revered was so cliché I actually gritted my teeth in disgust when it was revealed. I thought Cronenberg had much more respect for an audience given the fact he used to only be a cult icon, and one that chose originality over box office appeal. Speaking of box office, Eastern Promises did not even make a million dollars opening weekend, which in Hollywood means a complete and utter failure.

 

 

 

 

I simply am not ready to drool all over this movie when I was left wanting so much more. The slap in the face ending leaves us no closure and is the straw that broke the camel’s back. We all know Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid don’t have a chance in hell when that movie concludes, but Eastern Promises could have gone in numerous directions, none however are addressed.

 

 

 

 

I cannot help but be reminded of Entourage as I reflect on Eastern Promises. Perhaps Eastern Promises had a young dimwitted producer like Eric in over his head because Eastern Promises is the Medellin of the fall movie season.

 

 

 

 

Let’s stop all the artsy fartsy complex movie reviews and see Eastern Promises for what it really is – an unfulfilled promise.