educator1234's Blog

I am a mess. I mean, I am trying my very best to conceal it, but I simply do not know what to do with myself. I am trying to remain positive, but it just isn't working that well. I know exactly what I want in life, but I do not know how to get to that point. Need clarification? Lol, me, too!  Okay, I would like to get married (this is not a proposal) and have children. You know, the same plan I have had since I was 5 years old. However, due to my recent loss in the belief of love and happily ever after, I ask the question, how do you decide who to marry?  I mean, if you don't really believe in "love" then how do you know? How do you know when to break up with someone? How do you know what is good for you? I do not want to waste my time, yet, I do not know what to do with myself.
I like a certain man, a lot, but I don't know how he feels. I know he enjoys my company but I mean you can enjoy the company of a co-worker, your mother, your friends. I have moments when I am with him and I am like, wow, I really like him. I respect him and I enjoy his time. 2.7 seconds later I am thinking I need to stop seeing him. This is not due to a lack of interest, by any means, it is due to fear. Fear of the future, fear of being hurt, fear of making the wrong choices. I don't ever want to be the person that I used to be. Yet, I do not want to be a jaded, coffee drinking, donut eating mess, either. I don't want to have "the talk" with him, you know, oh do you like me? I think that is stupid. I am not going to tell him that I care about him because I am not going to put myself out there anymore than I already have. I don't have that head over heels butterflies in the stomach sense of love. I am so annoyed with myself for even thinking this way! Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to eat myself into a stupor, get a bunch of cats and read self-help books all day long.

Between grad school and teaching full time, I rarely have time for a hobby of mine--napping. Is it so bad that I drive my car to a local church parking lot and curl up into a ball on my prep period?  I think not. I need to be well-rested to entertain the little buggers, so why not take a little nap?  Is it safe? That is the question that I pose. How safe is it to nap in your car in the middle of the day?

Let me start off by saying that I am not a bitter woman. I am not pyschotic, narcissitic, egotistical, etc. I am well-educated, attractive, and I have a great sense of humor.  I am not bragging, these are merely the facts.

The issue that I have with the opposite sex is the comments that some men believe are an appropriate way to approach a female.  I do not want a man to tell me that I am hot. I do not want a man to tell me that I have a sexy body.  I do not want a man to tell me that my "@#!$ is out of this world".  These statements are not compliments.  These are an insult to my intelligence and my integrity.  Let me point out that these are not comments being made at the local bar--I am referring to things that men have said to me  at the workplace, the gym, the supermarket, etc.  Breasts are not an open invitation for a man to say anything that he pleases.  There is a proper way to approach a lady and "mmmmm, damn girl, you thick" is simply not acceptable! 

This makes me wonder how often women respond to such negative attention. It must work for these men, otherwise, why would they try in such a disrespectful manner? Ladies--have some respect for yourselves and demand to be treated accordingly.  Men--have some respect for the ladies--would you really want someone to approach your sister, mother, aunt, girlfriend, wife in such a manner?  Thank you to everyone who reads this!  :   )