How Swede It Is

Under the banner "Live Hanna Streaming from Newton, NC" as seen on the Fox8 Main Page, this text follows:

Todd Jachimiak began live streaming Tropical Storm Hanna coverage early this morning from his home in Newport, NC. He said he'll keep it up until he loses power, internet access, or the storm ends.

When did the citizens of Newton decide to move the town east?  Or, did Todd pull off the best real estate deal of the millenium? 

You knew I was going to pick up on this...

From the Fox8 News Portion of this here site:

Paper: Autospy Suggests Woman Buried in Yard Was Strangled Last Edited: Wednesday, 20 Aug 2008, 8:02 AM EDT

Created: Wednesday, 20 Aug 2008, 8:02 AM EDT

What is an 'autospy'?  Is it a new type of CIA operative?  Is it a spy that doesn't need to be assigned to do so, s/he just does it?

Did this writer major in English or IT?

Again I say, Meow.

I'm not taking any side in the upcoming, but this cracked me up:

Nigeria's main militant group threatened on Wednesday to launch a new wave of attacks on the volatile West African nation's oil pipelines within 30 days to counter allegations that the group had taken money to protect them.

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Betcha the gas goes to $5 per by the end of the week...

If the Maharincess of Turdistan wakes with another head cold on top of this, I see it going to $10 per as a barrel of Sweet Tasty Cute West Texas Earl Grey will trade at $560. 

Please kill me.

CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- Wachovia Corp. said Tuesday it lost $8.86 billion in the second quarter, slashed its dividend and announced 6,350 job cuts after losses tied to mortgages soared.
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I wonder if their building in downtown Winston has shrunk a few floors?

Yes, I am cruel...but observant!

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) -- A longtime state employee has chosen to retire instead of lowering flags to half-staff to honor former Republican Sen. Jesse Helms.
  
Gov. Mike Easley had ordered all U.S. and state flags lowered after Helms died July 4. But L.F. Eason III told his staff to ignore the directive at the state Standards Laboratory in Raleigh

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OK, tykes; let's boil another ocean.

Is anyone surprised that the ACLU wasn't all over this like white on rice?  I mean, what if the Guv ordered the North Korean flag flown and he refused?

Your feelings about Sen. Helms notwithstanding, how do one or more of you feel about this?

When you, the Fox8 viewing public, read this, probably you will conclude that Flatch is in the winepress with his sour grapes again.  That aside, I must vent about the following:

I almost opened up a can on the person(s) who publish articles on the Fox8 website today when I saw the word “shammy” used in the Deal or Dud text.  Back when my hair was short, we would have been ridiculed and/or penalized if we didn’t spell it “chamois”.  Just to cover my glutes, I looked on-line and , Lo and Behold, “shammy” is in a dictionary!  (I have noticed other misspellings on the site in the past, but lacking the magic degree to be able to work there, I never pointed them out.)

Does anyone else wonder about the longevity of the English language as we once knew it, the same English in which my mom’s younger sister got her Master’s degree while she roomed with us, the same English with its many intricacies and guidelines with which we had to comply when she was in the house with us and with which I still strive to comply?  When and if my novel gets published, will it be the Beowulf of the 21ST century, since I chose to use semicolons and a thesaurus? 

O do share your thoughts.  I promise not to penalize for spelling and grammar - in the great scheme of things, it may not be your fault. 

Whereas the devastation and human suffering is rampant in Myanmar and it is a sad situation, I have to ask:

Why is the US busting a gut to get aid to that place when they are refusing to let the planes land? 

Is is just me, or would the billions in aid be better spent HERE on the people who are suffering AND who pay taxes to make the aid possible?

Am I out of range here?  Any thoughts? 

(I posted this back in July 2007.  Since it will be warmer soon and all my fellow Swedes-at-Heart will be cranking up the AC, I was compelled to re-post this.  Flatch hopes it is helpful.)

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I know some of you (based on my previous posts) may think I'm full of brown runny, but this is serious stuff that can save you money.

Check your HVAC system now!  If you have installed a Purafilter 2000, hyped to be the best filter on the planet, get it out!  I installed one on Sat and by Monday my AC had shut down due to the airflow restriction - the filter works TOO well!!

So, don't let it happen to you.  Use the cheaper filters you can get in a 4 pack at Wal-Mart for 3 bucks.   They don't filter as well and you have to replace them more often, but at least it keeps the AC techs away.

He took time out from his nap to file this report:

Riddle me this, fellow babies:

A young serviceman goes into a diner.  He tells the waitress the following:

"I want my breakfast on a square platter.  In the upper right corner, I want 2 fried eggs.  In the upper left, I want grits.  In the lower right corner, I want a piece of wheat toast.  In the lower left, I want one well done sausage patty."

How did the waitress know he was in the Navy?

250 million Viking Points to the 1st correct answer.  In the case of a tie, we flip a Norwegian. 

He's glad he's not a betting kitteh.

Today, someone I know had a difficult day trying to train a seemingly anencephalic woman to work on the teller line; therefore,  I was compelled to post something I wrote when I was led to believe I could be a columnist.

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Some time ago, we subscribed to the NHL package offered by a major satellite TV provider.  Before the start of one hockey season, I received a “we-know-you’d-love-to-buy-this-too” call from that provider - they wanted me to subscribe to their Sports Pack so that we’d get all kinds of sports from around the planet - Inuit amateur curling, full-contact backgammon from Belize, etc.  Below I have paraphrased the “fun” part of the conversation:

OK, I’ve never worked at ESPN, and the closest I got to any sport was lugging equipment for my high school ice hockey team and trying to find a calculator big enough to record our losses.  Notwithstanding that, long before I could dial a phone, I knew that “center ice” is a term applicable almost exclusively to ice hockey.  So, after I hung up after the above phone folly, I wondered:  Does anyone think anymore?

Let’s reason on this:  These days, many don’t have to think.  Their PCs, a BlackBerry, the Internet and their HDTVs think for them.  When I worked in fast food, we took orders on an paper order pad.  Now, a majority of the counter folks have electronic devices to log the order, add it all up and figure the change to give the customer.  Even with all this technology, how often do you open up your order at home, only to find that all you have is a “Tina’s Tame Tofu” sandwich instead of the “Viper’s Vein-Clogger Venison” burger you really ordered? 

It appears to me that the entertainment industry has stopped thinking also.  Old movies being re-worked and re-cast.  Old songs re-done.  The same reality shows with different titles, if even they bother to do that.  Don’t get me started on game shows - on that one network exclusively “for games”, every other show is about poker, blackjack or Celebrity Lingerie Twister from Vegas.  The classic black and white shows I long to see, crafted in vintage imagination, are relegated to the wee hours of each morning, if scheduled at all. 

Some astute readers (and you don't know who you are yet) have asked about the Viking points I offer once in a while.  Since I've finished my coffee and my 2 bags of caramel creams (part of a wacko breakfast), I'll tell yas.

Viking points are merely a tool by which I can give you, the reader, instant "feel-good-about-thyself" gratification by passing a simple test.  Otherwise, they mean nothing, like porta-potties at Mardi Gras. 

I hope this was helpful.  If not, you don't know where to find me...mwuahahaha....

Even lolcats have something to say about the former chief of the Empire State: