How Swede It Is

Riddle me this, fellow babies:

A young serviceman goes into a diner.  He tells the waitress the following:

"I want my breakfast on a square platter.  In the upper right corner, I want 2 fried eggs.  In the upper left, I want grits.  In the lower right corner, I want a piece of wheat toast.  In the lower left, I want one well done sausage patty."

How did the waitress know he was in the Navy?

250 million Viking Points to the 1st correct answer.  In the case of a tie, we flip a Norwegian. 

Some astute readers (and you don't know who you are yet) have asked about the Viking points I offer once in a while.  Since I've finished my coffee and my 2 bags of caramel creams (part of a wacko breakfast), I'll tell yas.

Viking points are merely a tool by which I can give you, the reader, instant "feel-good-about-thyself" gratification by passing a simple test.  Otherwise, they mean nothing, like porta-potties at Mardi Gras. 

I hope this was helpful.  If not, you don't know where to find me...mwuahahaha....

As you are probably aware, freelance pharmacist Amy Winehouse won 287 Grammys the other night, including Most Needle Tracks for a Female Artist.

Flatch is curious - if she can clean up like that when her blood is legally D-Con, is there hope for a shlep like me who has an occasional Jack & Coke?

O share thine thoughts; I need the hope...

Little Beau's daddy sent him to the Home Depot to get some 4 x 2s.  Little Beau told the man at the Home Depot about this and the man say "How long your daddy need them 4 x 2s eh?"

Little Beau ran home and then he come back and he say, "My Daddy he building a house so he need them for a long time."

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Based on a tale by Justin Wilson. 

NEW YORK - Barbara Walters says she has been contacted by Britney Spears' manager and "very good friend," Sam Lutfi, who says the pop singer has seen a psychiatrist.

Lutfi told her the 26-year-old pop singer "is suffering from what he describes as mental issues which are treatable," Walters said Monday on ABC's "The View."

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I agree they are treatable.  Might I recommend amputation just below the chin?

Anyone with me here?

4 July.  A solemn date.  As a Swedish-American, it is all the more significant, as I have just learned not to spell July with that fancy U in the tradition of my people. 

Please take time out of your busy lives and remember those brave fireworks who gave their lives so that your holiday can be noisy.  So, take a sparkler to lunch.  Invite a Vesuvius fountain to a Grasshoppers game.  French kiss a Roman candle.