MrsHubbyD's Blog

It's a typical domestic abuse case. The woman is so in love with a man, that she ignores all the "warning" signs that he is dangerous.  (Women can be abusive as well, so the same applies to them)

1) The "insistance" that she do something, even when the man has no RIGHT to insist, yet he will say that it is because it is what's best, and persuade the woman to agree. As it progresses, he just tells her what to do, and she does it.

2) He gets annoyed whenever she talks on the phone to her family or friends too long. He will convince her that she is not spending any "quality" time with him, because she is "always on the phone". She, like a dummy says, "Oh, I'm sorry baby". The next time her mother calls, he will give her "that look", and she will find a reason to hang up, to please him. He is already mad by then, so it doesn't matter.

3) He will make you, and your friends, so uncomfortable when they visit, that they won't come over anymore. He won't let you go visit them either, because they are a "bad influence" on you--translation--they know what he's about, and have no patience for him, OR you, because you have let him take over your life, and THEY know it, but YOU don't.

4) If you have chldren that are not his, (or even if they ARE his) he will slowly but surely abuse them as well. He will tell you that you need to "do something", to get your children under control, (or he will start doing it FOR you, and dare you to intervene), and you will do it because he will be making you choose between him, and them, (and if you're a fool, you will choose him, so he doesn't get mad or leave, which should NEVER be the case. Any GOOD and DECENT MAN would never DO that. Any GOOD and DECENT MOTHER would never ALLOW it.

4) Once he has alienated all of your family and friends, he will have been abusing you for some time, but you were too stupid to see it, because you "love him". FYI... being good in bed, does not constitute LOVE ladies. Don't confuse the two.

5) BY the time his control over you is complete, you will not have:
A phone
A job
Make up
Clothes, other than sweats or pajamas
Internet access
Visitors

While we're on the subject, if you're already in a relationship that I've described, don't even THINK about smiling, or saying "hi" to the grocery clerk, fast food worker, Dr., teacher, coach, etc... until you get out of it. Your jealous, possessive, abusive, mate will be all over you, accusing you of all sorts of things.

Hopefully, you will have read this BEFORE you encounter someone like this, and maybe, just maybe, it could help you avoid a life of misery and pain.  

Some people like this, can start off as overly "sweet", and that will be your first hint. Keep a guy like that far enough away from you for safety. If he gets mad that you don't want to see him for a second date right away, or continues to pester you to meet/see him sooner that you want, RUN, don't WALK, to the nearest exit!! (Cuz he is "fine" doesn't cut it. Jefferey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were nice looking too...and they were serial killers!) Also, do not give them your home address right away. Meet them in a public place, and have a friend follow you to the date, (but don't let the guy you're meeting know this). They can sit at another table or something, and then when it is time to go, they can follow HIM, to make sure he doesn't follow YOU!!

This may seem extreme, but if it will save a life, or another family like Jennifer's from this kind of tragedy, it's WORTH IT!!

Just pay attention Ladies, and DON'T let this kind of man, (or woman) even get CLOSE to having a place in your life. YOU ARE NOT THAT DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!

When my daughter was about 16 or 17, she all of a sudden started getting several calls a day from her cousin, (I'll call her "Lisa"). Now, this would not have been a big deal, except that she hadn't ever been close to this girl, nor had she even SEEN her since they were little. The difference was, that she had just come from a visit in our hometown, where she has another cousin who she IS close to, but they don't talk nearly as much as several times a day.

After about 2 solid weeks of this, and realizing that she was talking in "hushed" tones, I asked her what was going on. She said "nothing". I knew that wasn't true, so I set out to "investigate'.

I decided toask my son if he knew if she had met anyone while they were away visiting. He told me that he had seen her talking to "this guy" (I'll call him Jerry") for a long time, and that she spent most of her time over "Lisa's" house, even though the visit was to see their dad. I realized that since she hadn't told me about "Jerry", that there must be something about him that she didn't want me to know. She was allowed to date by then, so there was no reason NOT to tell me about him, especially since she was talking to him so often. "Lisa" would call my daughter FOR him, then he would get on the phone.

After talking to my son, and a couple of his friends in the old neighborhood, I found out that this "guy" had a girlfriend whom he had been physically abusing for three years, AND was still dating her while he was trying to get involved with MY daughter! I said "Oh He!! no!", and told her why. Of course, she called LIsa right away, and insisted that I let Lisa tell me that he was a good guy, and that the allegations were not true. After I politely listened to Lisa, I told her that I didn't believe a word of what she said, told her why, and hung up.

 The reason I didn't believe her is, one, she doesn't have the best track record with men herself, (4 children by the time she was 21!), and TWO,  when another GUY tells you that a man hits women, there is usually something to it!

The last straw was when "Jerry" accidentally called MY cell phone. (I knew that my daughter had used it to call him once-and when she did, I immediately saved the number, and put "Jerry's" name with it. When he called, I knew before I answered that it was him!) My surprise came when he asked for ANOTHER girl, and NOT my daughter! I played along, and told him that he had the wrong number. He got very irritated, and insisted that this was the number that he was given. I told him again that he had the wrong number. He then proceeded to tell me that the girl he was calling (remember, NOT my daughter's name) was supposed to "meet him at the HOTEL"!! and started to use profanity! I almost fell out of my chair, but I kept my cool, and told him that whoever he was meeting, that they were lucky that I wasn't their mother, and told him do not call this number again. He didn't. He also didn't call my home number either.

I shudder to think what might have happened had my daughter gotten involved with this jerk (he was 23 by the way), let alone what may STILL be happening to the young lady he was "dating" if she hasn't gotten away from him.

Well, I didn't mean for this to be this long, but I thought that the subject was an important one, given the events surrounding Jennifer Hudson and her family. if I could help to educate even ONE person about domestic abuse, or an overly possesive mate, it was worth the read.

If you DO meet someone like this, just make sure you tell them as SOON as you notice this type of behavior, that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE!! Usually, these kinds of men only want to get involved with women that they know are weak, and can be easily manipulated. DON'T LET THEM DO IT! Tell them that if they want somebody who won't fight back, then the have the WRONG person! They will usually move right along, because they don't want anyone who might not fall into their trap.

Good luck in love ladies and gents. The REAL THING is out there. You just have to wait for it. And when it comes along, you will know it.

Just my 4 cents.

Take care all.

...and many other things that you had BEFORE he came along.